4 + 1 Questions

Do people say you are too direct? Do you find yourself interrupting others often? Do you tend to speak when you don’t mean or don’t want to? And more importantly: do you want this to change? If so, let’s talk about the 4+1 Questions technique.

The French have a saying: “Turn your tongue in your mouth seven times before you speak.” Essentially the same as “Think before you speak”, but those of you who have just done it will find that these buccal gymnastics force you to actually pause (and possibly look a little bit funny).

The 4+1 Questions create an active pause, and help you reflect -briefly- on what you’re about to say. The aim isn’t to stop yourself from speaking altogether! My own experience from using it regularly, is that I became more confident about contributing, and interrupted others less.

To help rein in your thoughts in the moment, try this two-step process:

1.   Learn the signs

First, raise your self-awareness, identify the signs that precede the urge to speak. Notice where you feel it in your body. Does it come on suddenly, or is it building up progressively? What is your heart rate like? How tense is your body?

2.   Ask 4 (+1) questions

By learning to bring this awareness to the surface, you will be able to catch the moment when you’re about to say something that feels really important to say right now.

Now pause, and ask yourself the four questions listed below about that thought, in the same order. To illustrate the process, let’s imagine you are in a work meeting.

Question 1: Is it true?

This relates to the factual accuracy of what you are about to say. Can you defend your statement or opinion? Have you got all the information you need to make this statement?

Question 2: Is it relevant?

While it may be factually correct, it may not necessarily help the discussion move forward. Is it new information that would help bolster or counter an argument? How does it contribute to the discussion? The thought came to your mind at this time, but is it actually relevant to the current topic, or more of a free association made by a wandering mind?

Question 3: Is it the right time or place to say it?

Consider whether the right people are present to share that thought. Would it be more useful to share it later in the discussion? Or if the moment has passed, could it be brought up outside of the meeting?

Question 4: Is it my place to say it?

There may be an expectation that someone else would speak on this topic, if they are the expert. Or maybe it is time to give some space to a more junior team member and encourage them to contribute. It may also be worth taking into account personalities and internal politics…

The above 4 questions are the core of the technique. However, there is one more you can ask – it is a bit trickier for some.

+1 Question: Should I phrase it differently, and if so, how?

To answer, you have to have a fair idea of how what you are about to say will be received. If this is difficult, you may find it useful to practice using certain set phrases, or framing your thoughts in a different way.

Try the 4+1 Questions for a while and see what changes in you, and around you. This technique can be applied to any context, formal or informal, in the workplace, or in a social environment. As with any skill, the more you practice, the easier it gets, until it becomes second nature.

If you find this technique useful, if it tickles your brain, let me know in the comments!