Taming the machine

You struggle with deadlines (external or self-imposed). You set time aside to do a specific task, but cannot bring yourself to even start it. You (the mind) want to do those things but your brain (the machine) is fighting against the demands. What if, rather than raging against the machine, you could coax it to work with you?

I won't do what you tell me

Persistent Drive for Autonomy (aka Pathological Demand Avoidance, or PDA) creates challenges every day, particularly for ADHDers and autistic people. There’s the things we want to do, the ones we should do, the things others ask of us, and those we ask of ourselves. The reaction to a perceived demand can be primal, somatic. It can be felt in the body as a fight or flight response to a perceived loss of autonomy.

An exercise in compassion

The exercise I am offering today is about changing your perception to avoid triggering your brain’s survival mode. It goes like this:

Planning

• Start by picking a time, and a duration that is long enough to get you going, but not so long that you’ll feel overcommitted (let’s say 30 minutes).

• Select a few (2 or 3) tasks you want to do in that time. Write down why you want to do them, thinking about how they align with your goals. 

• Schedule this time in a way you know works well for you, be it in an online calendar, a reminder on your phone, in a diary, etc.

Framing

• As you are doing this, see if you can reframe it as follows (using your own words): “I am offering this time to myself, as an opportunity that I can take or leave, to do the things I want to do.” Think compassion vs. obligation.

• When the time comes to start a task, if you can’t decide which one of your pre-selected choices to pick, take a minute or two to reflect on how each of the choices aligns with your goals, and visualise the outcome of each task. Then, follow your gut and pick one.

Freedom!

Through this process, you have given yourself freedom of time (it is offered, not imposed), and freedom of choice (you have a few tasks to chose from). Play with this approach, pay attention to what happens for you at each stage. Notice when it becomes easier to initiate, what works and what doesn’t. This is only a starting point, you are free to tweak it, explore, until you can make the machine dance to your rhythm.